A Good Idea
by eclaire291
Summary: Rude has Reno against a wall. Reno is concerned. "I'd rather not get c-kblocked by Tifa catching us in her upstairs hallway and slamming me through a wall. Uh, you know, the distinctly non-sexy version of slamming me through a wall."
1. Chapter 1

**Title** : A Good Idea  
 **Characters/Pairing** : Reno/Rude (a bit of a Rude/Reno/Tifa triangle if you squint)  
 **Author's Notes** : Started as a pairing whim, turned into a justification and subversion of Reno's depiction as a womanizer, and ended as a parody of itself.  
 **Disclaimer** : I obviously don't own the Final Fantasy VII franchise. If I did I'd actually have money, I probably wouldn't spend time writing fanfiction, and various FFVII characters would/wouldn't be dead.

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 **A Good Idea**

They really aren't drunk. They aren't. Reno hadn't even finished his whiskey before deciding that sneaking upstairs was definitely a good idea. That letting Rude press him against the wall, kissing him and kissing him and kissing him, was a good idea. Maybe it was the thrill of doing this under Tifa's roof just to piss her off. Or the fact that Rude wasn't exactly vocal but Reno had definitely caught him murmuring his name — _Reno_ , not _Tifa_. So maybe that was why. Because neither of them were drunk enough to write this off as a whim. They weren't even buzzed. Hell, Rude had only drunk seltzer since they got here. That fact burns in the back of Reno's mind as he continues to kiss down Rude's neck, letting his coworker draw out a groan when Rude grinds his hips against him.

Admittedly, Reno had a reputation. But it wasn't exactly warranted. He hadn't been in a committed relationship or even dated since joining the Turks. The only game in town when you're married to the job is colleagues, but Reno had never crossed the line. He flirted like it was in his job description, but nothing serious. No promises, minimal physical contact. Just enough teasing to have Elena angrily threaten him with a sexual harassment complaint or reduce Reeve to stuttering uncertainty after stumbling into a conversation about sexuality. There was that one time he had gotten drunk at Seventh Heaven and ended up making out with Tifa in the storage room. But they agreed it was a one-time thing. She was angry at being left behind once again while that spiky-haired not-boyfriend of hers took his angst show on the road. And Reno had been drunk and bored and curious as to whether Rude would be pissed at him for scoring with his crush. Rude stopped speaking to him for four months after that little tryst, but Reno still wasn't sure if it was out of anger or Rude being his usual imperceptible self. Though he had assured Rude that he was lucky he never got any action with Tifa because she didn't pull punches and Reno spent a good month sporting bruises from that ill-advised encounter.

So, anyway, the point was, Reno didn't make a habit of this. He could count on one hand the numbers of times he had someone in his bed since becoming a Turk. And, as for screwing around, he had never gone this far with Rude. He usually reserved mild flirtatious one-liners for Rude, just enough innuendo to fluster or exasperate the man, depending on his mood. Nothing in their relationship indicated they would end up here. Reno tried not to sound too out of breath as Rude pressed him more firmly against the wall, his fingers dropping to the zipper of Reno's pants.

"Not that I'm… " he cut himself off with a moan as Rude finally managed to get a hand into his pants and palm him through his boxers. Taking a bracing breath, he tried again, "I'm not complaining. This is pretty hot. But I'd rather not get cockblocked by Tifa catching us in her upstairs hallway and slamming me through a wall. Uh, you know, the distinctly non-sexy version of slamming me through a wall."

He smirked when he felt more than heard Rude chuckle at that and took the opportunity to grip Rude's hips and push him back, letting his gaze momentarily drop southward to assess just how much Rude wanted this. His mind buzzing pleasantly with desire, he pulled Rude into the nearest room and closed the door, taking just enough time to jam the back of a desk chair under the handle just in case. They had plenty of time to figure this out, but he knew this was definitely a good idea.

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 _Part two: A somewhat humorous conclusion to the story. Because I can't write smut._


	2. Chapter 2

**A Good Idea**

Tifa noticed Yuffie sitting at the end of the bar looking a bit pink and more than a bit nervous. Sighing, she joined the girl and prepared her best motherly yet girl-to-girl reprimanding speech.

"Yuffie, you know you can't be here. You're only 19. No booze. No hustling people for materia," Tifa said.

"No, duh. I know that, Teef," Yuffie said. "I was hanging out upstairs but…"

"Why were you upstairs? How did you even get up there?" Tifa asked, cutting her off and knowing she shouldn't even bother with such a question.

Yuffie leaned over the counter and cuffed Tifa on the arm, saying, "I was waiting to hang out with you, silly. I'm so bored. And Vincent's being dull and grouchy again and telling me I should go check on the situation in Wutai. Boring. I dropped by here and decided not to bother you because I knew you were working, so I climbed in through the window!"

The girl beamed as if she had not committed a crime. Heck, Tifa wasn't even sure Yuffie knew the meaning of breaking and entering.

"OK, fine. So you were waiting upstairs. Well, I'm about to close up here, so no harm. Why don't you just go back and wait for me to finish?"

Now there was no mistaking the blush in Yuffie's checks. She shifted nervously on the barstool and her eyes darted toward the staircase.

"Uh, well, the thing is… there might be two Turks upstairs," she said.

Tifa gaped.

"Why did you bring Turks with you?" she demanded.

Yuffie shook her head vehemently, saying, "I didn't! They were already in the hallway when I climbed in from your bedroom window. They didn't even see me. Uh, and… well, they were a bit preoccupied."

"What? Are they searching the house? I bet it's Reno. He was here earlier with Rude. I knew they were acting weird. Rufus probably has them trying to dig up info on Cloud or something. I'll kick their asses and then I'll find Rufus and kick his smarmy pale butt, too," Tifa said.

Yuffie brightened a bit, saying, "Oh, yeah! It's the cute guy with the scars on his face and the baldy."

"Damn it," Tifa muttered under her breath.

Yuffie snagged the back of Tifa's shirt before she could make for the stairs.

"Uh, they might be doing stuff," she said.

Tifa cracked her knuckles.

"Yeah, and I'm about to go up there and tell them to be gentlemen next time and ask before snooping around my house and business," she said.

"Not, not that sort of stuff. They might have maybe been kissing and, uh, other stuff. I thought I'd just hide in your room but they were a bit… loud," Yuffie admitted, her face practically on fire.

Tifa's hand slipped off the counter and she stared with dawning horror at Yuffie. The girl giggled uncertainly and spun the barstool around to expel her nervous energy. After Tifa spent several seconds soundlessly mouthing words, she finally brought her closed fist down on the counter with almost enough force to do some damage. Patrons paused mid-conversations and decided now was quite a good time to call it a night. More than enough of them were privy to tales of the woman's fighting prowess. The bar cleared out almost immediately as Tifa made her way to the stairs.

Yuffie stayed on the barstool, hoping she'd be out of harm's way, and was fairly certain she heard Tifa mutter something about her not owning a "freakin' motel" and that the unlucky Turks were "damn lucky the kids aren't here tonight." A door-splintering second later and the aforementioned Turks were hurrying down the stairs, dodging punches and projectiles. Yuffie tried not to notice the fact that Reno had neglected pants in his haste and instead ducked as a chair went flying through the air. It narrowly missed Rude. The two Turks hurried out of the bar with Reno crowing over his shoulder, "You're just mad 'cause I hit it first, Tifa. This guy is dynamite." Yuffie heard a yelp of pain that she suspected was Rude whacking the wisecracking jerk upside the head.

Tifa came down the stairs looking livid.

"They were doing it in my office. On the desk," she murmured, somewhere between numbly shocked and fuming. She dropped her face into her palm and turned back to the stairs. "I'm going to disinfect that entire room."

The woman shuddered slightly in disgust, grabbed disinfectant spray from the shelf at the bottom of the stairs, and returned to ground zero of the incident. Yuffie sighed, realizing her fun had been ruined and Tifa wouldn't want to go materia hunting with her now. "Drat," she said under her breath. She vaulted over the top of the counter and nicked a bottle of something or other before tucking it under her arm and sneaking for the door. If she had to go back and sit in a house with grumpy Vincent and Reeve being all… Reeve, then she could use a little drink. Or at least use it to loosen Vince up.

Before she made it out the door, Tifa's voice called down, "Don't even think about leaving with that bottle, White Rose of Wutai."

"You're no fun!" Yuffie called back, setting the bottle down on a table and disappearing out the door before she could be roped into helping clean up after the fiasco. She realized, grinning, there was definitely a good reason she spent so much time in Midgar. Nothing fun like this happened in Wutai.

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 _End n_ _otes: So, the characterization is a bit off in this part, but I did warn that it turns into a bit of a parody. Hope it was enjoyable anyway. Leave a review, however brief or long as you wish, to let me know your reaction. Criticism and advice is always welcome!_


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